Managing yourself: The emotional and psychological risks of leadership

Moving into a new leadership or management role brings its own mix of emotions - hopefully predominantly positive - but anxiety is bound to surface when pondering the challenges and uncertainties ahead. Typically, emotional responses are quickly pushed into the background as deliberations turn to the hard stuff: the vision, strategy, financials, targets and plans that will quickly dominate every future conversation (and by which you will be judged).

However, it is important to find time and space to bring these emotions back to the fore. Law firm leaders spend a great deal of time managing others (and dealing with other people's emotions), but it is important that they manage themselves too from an emotional and psychological perspective. It's a mistake to overlook the 'soft stuff' that can help you thrive in the role.

This article and the columns that follow in later issues of Managing Partner offer some food for thought for managing partners, practice group heads and others who have recently been given a leadership position in their firm.

Our model for managing yourself is 'eLeMeNTaRY' (See Figure 1). Many of
the suggestions are indeed elementary,
but putting them into practice is not
always so easy.

Healthy living

Seniority often brings invitations to a multitude of internal and external events. These are often out of hours and typically involve food and alcohol. If you ever had a diet and exercise regime, it may fall apart now. Intensifying the problem, you may find yourself stuck during office hours in one management meeting after another.

It can be challenging to implement familiar health advice while experiencing a lifestyle full of personal compromises. But, don't lose sight of the following important basics of healthy living.

• A moderate, sustainable approach to food is likely to be better than the latest fad. Complex carbohydrates give you a sustained slow release of energy and help to support resilience.

• It is easy to trick yourself into thinking that your excess alcohol intake is doing you no harm if you drink it in a socially appropriate manner and others around you are drinking more. Sadly, this is not the case. It is worth having two to three nights a week where you don't consume any alcohol; be prepared to move these around evening events.

• Exercise makes a difference; its links with mental resilience and a reduced risk of illness - from heart disease to cancer - have been well documented. Exercise should be a priority, but is often cancelled just at the times you need it most - when the pressure is on. So, try to build a pattern of small frequent exercise sessions into your daily life. Can you incorporate walking or cycling into your commute? Can you use the stairs rather than the lift - even if it just means leaving the lift one or two floors lower than you need and walking the rest of the way? There is a lot of good research around walking meetings - could you sometimes 'walk and talk' rather than sit?

Managing the moment

By the time you have reached this level in your career, you will have already weathered many crisis moments and difficult situations. But, their frequency and severity escalates at the top - ranging from disappointing profitability figures to 'helpful' advice from partners who apparently
know better.

These events trigger an emotional response too - anger, sadness, embarrassment, anxiety and even full-blown panic. These responses may be entirely understandable. Sometimes the 'fight or flight' instinct might help you dodge a bullet. But, other times, the emotional turmoil may mean that you just can't
think straight, causing procrastination
and delays.

So, if you are going to function effectively, you need 'in the moment' techniques to get you through the moment, such as the following.

• Compartmentalisation. Recognise that these emotions need to be confronted at some point, but in the moment they need to be put in a box marked 'later'. Adversity is the time to show those around you just how strong a leader you are. If your emotions try to pop out of the box (and they will), push them back in firmly. You can acknowledge that they are there, but they're for 'later'. And 'later' will be more manageable.

• Distraction. Brief activities that lift your mood and diffuse tension can be very helpful. A short walk if you have time, a track of favourite music on your phone, rereading an affirming message or feedback (and keeping some copies of these in a file) are all simple ways to get you through to the next moment in a slightly more constructive mood.

• Visualisation. Top sportsmen change their mindsets by visualising success, especially when they are coming from behind. Meditation, mindfulness and relaxation techniques all have their place too.

But, managing the moment is not all about dealing with negatives. There are, equally, many positive moments to embrace, which creates the opposite problem. With so much preying on your mind 24/7, it's not surprising to find yourself 'stuck in serious' and disregarding the more pleasing moments. So, you need to develop strategies which enable you to regain psychological balance. Think about your communication channels to pick up and share good news stories too.

Personal enjoyment

Office events and client dinners may be pleasant enough. But, allowing them to become a substitute for personal enjoyment time with increasingly-distant family and friends is not usually a recipe
for happiness.

So, start as you mean to go on. Be proactive and organised in planning holidays, theatre outings and quiet time over dinner with your partner; that's the easy part. The real challenge is keeping the date. As you climb the leadership ladder, the range of crisis issues for which you become the 'go to' person mushrooms, together with the likelihood that the unexpected will sabotage your evening out. In some cases, there may be no alternative, but it is vital to avoid letting cancelling on family and friends become a habit. Watch out for those times when it's just easier (although not essential) to cancel - and don't!

And, when you do arrive at the restaurant, shut everything else out and make the most of your time together. Step out of 'serious'. Psychologists speak of 'savouring' the experience. Use all your senses - appreciate the taste and smell of good food and take time to notice the music, ambience and company. Bring the same level of focus and commitment to your personal enjoyment time as you would to your working hours. This will prolong the positive and help you to keep your balance.

Thinking patterns

Emotions in the moment can not only impede but also influence our thinking; we may not always be pleased with the results.

Cognitive behavioural science offers valuable insights.¹ Each one of us has a unique and complex self that drives our thinking, emotions and behavioural responses. It's a blend of personality, past experience, needs, likes, assumptions, values and beliefs. Whatever we encounter in life interacts with these drivers, which in turn influence our instinctive emotional and behavioural responses. For the most part, these responses will be perfectly appropriate. But, there are times when our drivers, if left unchecked by a slower and more rational thinking process, can take us to unconstructive places.

For example, managing partner 'X' reflected after a partners' meeting: "Y suggested that we could and should have done more to keep that client. I saw other partners nodding their heads. I responded irritably, saying that we had done everything possible. Actually, I regret that response now. Y's comment was not ill meant and I know that I didn't make any friends at that meeting."

When a knee-jerk response leaves you with feelings of regret, it is worth trying to uncover the particular driver that enticed it. In X's case, perhaps the challenge (which made X feel angry, embarrassed and led him to the one-line put down) conflicted with an inner belief that being questioned was undermining. In other words, 'I should always be seen to be right'.

With that belief uncovered, X is now in a position to decide whether he genuinely subscribes to that stance. If so, he may then be comfortable with his response. If not, X might be better placed to react differently next time - perhaps based on an alternative belief that 'we learn from our setbacks and the post-mortem is valuable (provided comments are not tainted with office politics)'.

Those new to law firm leadership are well advised to think consciously at the outset about their inner values and beliefs about the role - otherwise you could find that some of your thought patterns are breeding defensiveness, insecurity, paranoia or other unhelpful sensibilities.

The box 'Taking control of your self-talk' shows how to clarify your thinking at the outset before quiet self-talk generates unhelpful responses.

 

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Building relationships

Good work relationships are critical for
a lot of operational reasons:

• you need willing colleagues to undertake the work;

• you need loyal colleagues to be your eyes and ears; and

• you need understanding colleagues
  to steer you right.

They are also important for your wellbeing. A positive social interaction with a colleague can generate a release of the feel-good hormone oxytocin, which in turn counteracts the ill effects of the day's stresses and strains.² Far from being a time waster, a brief chat and laugh in the corridor can enhance your concentration, productivity and creativity for whatever you happen to be working on.

Appointment to a senior position brings a personal hazard: you will be seen differently by even your most trusted colleagues. The people on whom you previously relied for social interaction may start being more wary. This is understandable - you may now be having very different conversations with these former confidants and allies. And, clearly, you need to be careful about what you
say to whom.

But, social interaction is just that:
it need not be anything to do with work; it's just a moment of light relief. It is important that the sensitivities of the office do not deny you these positive exchanges. Loneliness does not feel good and is not healthy.

So, take the initiative and renew
your work relationships in the new landscape. Invest time in people and continue building that history of positive shared experiences. Then, the oxytocin
can continue to do its work.

Feeling good

Staying true to your core values takes you to a place of greater contentment. But, throughout your career, you may find yourself in situations of internal conflict.

Are these conflicts easier to resolve as you gain seniority? Others may think you become master of your own destiny. But, the reality is not always so straightforward. As you move from being 'partner directed' to 'client-pressure directed' and then to 'bottom-line directed', you may just be swapping one unforgiving taskmaster for another or adding taskmasters as you go.

However, seniority does give you the chance to think outside the box. Stepping back and thinking about what matters to you most is a good starting point. Many of your priorities will revolve around your firm's financials. But are there other goals too? What will lead you to emerge from the burden of responsibility feeling good about what you did over the longer term?

See your work in terms of overall value that you add, rather than just a series of problems that you have to manage. Return to your beginnings: what are your core values and how do you embody them?

Don't lose sight of the larger purpose and meaning of what you do: even the core 'doing your best to maximise the numbers in the prevailing market' benefits the lives of your colleagues and employees in clear and tangible ways.³ Seeing it in that light perhaps adds pressure but, ultimately, the personal reward transcends the financials. This is even before you start recognising the value that your firm delivers to its clients and the causes that it supports.

Mental health

The thrust of this model is to build psychological well-being. This is not only critical for health and resilience,⁴ but also integral to performance.⁵ Feeling good is associated with enhanced productivity, being more creative and improved social skills. So, it makes sense to prioritise proactive strategies for feeling good at work as pathways to greater success, rather than the other way round.

Colin Dworkin is a former corporate lawyer and now business psychology consultant at Talaspect Talent Development
(https://talaspect.com). Dr Karen Lindall
is a senior doctor at Roodlane Medical
(www.roodlane.co.uk) and a consultant
at Talaspect.

Endnotes

1. See Developing Resilience:
   A Cognitive-Behavioural Approach, Michael Neenan, Routledge, 2009

2. See The Happiness Advantage:
   The Seven Principles That Fuel Success and Performance at Work, Shawn Achor, Virgin Books, 2011

3. See Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being - and How to Achieve Them, Martin Seligman, Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 2011

4. See 'The Role of Positive Emotions in Positive Psychology: The Broaden-and-Build Theory of Positive Emotions', Barbara L. Fredrickson, American Psychologist, Vol. 56 Issue 3,
   March 2001

5. See 'The Benefits of Frequent Positive Affect: Does Happiness Lead to Success?' Sonja Lyubomirsky et al, Psychological Bulletin, Vol. 131
   No.6, 2005